


The Chaos That Is His Life

by MysteryFury



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Assault, Bad Parenting, Bullying, College, Coming Out, Dissociation, Dysphoria, Happy Birthday Virgil, Harassment, Hate Crimes, Hello Purple Hair, Homeless Logan, Homophobia, Hurt Morality | Patton Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, Introducing Logan, Introducing Patton, Janus is a lawyer, Logic | Logan Sanders Is A Good Friend, Logic | Logan Sanders Loves Space, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Minor Character Death, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Sweetheart, Native American Logan, Orphans, Panic Attacks, Period talk, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Siblings, Racism, Self-Hatred, Shock, Siblings, Slurs, Trans Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Trans Character, Trans Male Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Transphobia, Uncomfortable Dinner, Virgil Has A Podcast, assholes, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:01:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28161348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysteryFury/pseuds/MysteryFury
Summary: Virgil's life is tough. Luckily, he has friends and family that will stick by him till the end.
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As far as I'm aware this is an original idea... at least the direction I have planned. If it's not, I apologize. I'm posting this a little early since I planned to post this on Virgil's birthday (tomorrow) but I couldn't wait to start posting. I have a few chapters already written. Others are already planned out.

It was a Sunday night in the middle of July. Janus was watching his little sister, **[redacted]**. Janus didn’t mind. He was happy to help his parents, who were out on a date. The two siblings played some games and watched a movie. Janus, however, didn’t like having to stop **[redacted]** from climbing onto things.

Around 9:30, Janus put his sister to bed. Reading her a book. _The Velveteen Rabbit_ to be exact. Janus stayed up to wait for their parents to arrive home. While he waited, he was finishing up some paperwork. He was recently hired to be a prosecutor. This twenty-four-year-old was lucky to get hired right after graduation.

Ten o’clock came and went. Janus wasn’t too worried. His parents said they could be as late as eleven. Eleven passed. Eleven-thirty. Midnight. Janus was now starting to worry. Every now and then he would look at the clock and get up and pace, glancing out the window occasionally. He didn’t sleep that night.

He got the call at 5:30 am. His aunt informed him that is parents had been in a crash. She had been hoping for a better outcome. She told him to get to the hospital with **[redacted]** so they could say goodbye.

Janus wanted to cry, but he was numb. So, numb he barely remembered waking up **[redacted]** and telling her to get dressed quickly. He barely remembered the drive there. **[Redacted]** asked a lot of questions. Janus just focused on the road, silently cursing at the sun for rising. How could it rise on a day like this?

His sister stopped asking questions as they parked. Janus sat in the car for a minute before getting out and opening the door for his sister. He held her hand tightly as they approached the room his parents were in.

The scene was horrible. They already looked dead, hooked up to so many machines. It was frightening.

**[Redacted]** tugged on the hem of Janus’ shirt and asked in a small voice, “Jan-Jan, why do Mommy and Daddy look like that?”

Janus didn’t have an answer. He finally broke. He lifted his sister into his arms and held her close, rocking her back and forth.

“I- I don’t- I don’t know why,” Janus was on the verge of a breakdown. “All- All I know- All I know is that we have to say goodbye now.”

“Where are they going?”

“Um…” Janus racked his brain for a moment. “I- I don’t know where they’ll go.”

“Are they gonna come back?”

“No. They can’t ever come back. We- we won’t be able to- to see them anymore.”

Janus let out a sob, holding his sister even tighter. He was so grateful when she stopped asking questions. His aunt had left the two siblings alone. She only was going to step in if need be.

After they said their goodbyes, the machines were turned off. Official time of death for their mother was July 17th at 7:32 am. Their dad was close behind; July 17th at 7:34 am. The little family that was present wept. **[Redacted]** didn’t really understand much, but knew she was never going to see her parents again.

“Janus,” his aunt came up to him as they were leaving, “if you need me to, I can take care of **[redacted]** for a few days for you. I know how much of a handful she can be.”

Janus shook his, shifting **[redacted]** a bit in his arms, “No thanks, Aunt Patty. I really think we should just stay together for now, y’know?”

His aunt nodded in understanding before saying her goodbyes and rushing to her car. Janus smiled slightly, although sadly, and carried his sister to their car and helped buckle the tired child in. Once Janus got in, he buckled himself and sat for a few moments before turning on the car and driving back to their home.

Once they arrived, Janus carried his sister upstairs and tucked her back into bed. He slowly walked to his room, but as he passed his parents room, he couldn’t help himself. He slowly pushed open the door and soaked in how normal it looked. It was just how they had left it. Somehow, he ended up curled under the covers.

When he woke up, he took note of his sister in his arms. He smiled softly at her sleeping form. However, seeing his sister caused everything to start sinking in. He would have to look after his sister. He could barely take care of himself! And what about his job? …His job!

Janus quickly glanced at his phone. He should’ve been in the office by 8. It was now almost 11:30. Three and a half hours late. He quickly maneuvered himself out of the bed without waking up **[redacted]** and stepped into the hallway, dialing his supervisor’s number.

She yelled at him about being late for what seemed like five minutes before asking what his excuse was.

His voice was flat and soft, “my parents just died.”

“I’m sorry, what?” She sounded shocked.

“My parents just _fucking died_!” He didn’t mean to scream, but he did. When she didn’t respond, he just started rambling, “I don’t know what to do! I have to look after my sister, [ **redacted],** and I barely know how to take care of myself! I have to figure out the funeral. I have to tell my family. I don’t know how I’m going to do this! I don’t want to talk to my grandparents. They are horrible and cruel-”

“Whoa, Janus, take a deep breath. I don’t want you hyperventilating.”

“You’re right, I’m good. I’m fine.”

“No, no you’re not. I want you to take the week off.”

“I- I can’t just do that-”

“I just said you can. I will forcibly make you take a week if I need to.”

“Alright,” Janus took a deep breath, “thanks Tala.”

“I’ll explain the situation to the head honchos. Also, I want you to call me if you need me. And when I say call me, I mean it. Anything. Day or night.”

“Alright, um, will do,” Janus paused as he heard the bedroom door start to crack open. “Listen, I gotta go, but I’ll try to keep you updated.”

He quickly hung up and turned to see **[redacted]** shuffling out into the hall. Janus crouched in front of her.

“How about we go out for lunch?” he asked softly.

“What about breakfast?” **[redacted]** asked. “Mommy said it’s the most important meal of the day.”

“Uh, well it is, but we woke up too late for breakfast and now it’s lunchtime.”

She just shrugged, “do I gotta put on new clothes?”

She was still wearing what she wore when they got up to go to the hospital.

Janus shook his head, “how about after we get something to eat, we go walk around the park?”

“Okay.”

The two of them spent the day out of the house, walking around. At some point they got ice cream. However, at about 6 pm Janus’ phone went off. Tala was calling.

“Tala?” Janus was confused.

“Where are you?” she asked, sounding frightened.

“I’m in the park with **[redacted]** … Why?”

“Oh, thank god! I came over to check on the two of you, but you weren’t here, and I thought the worst.”

“What was the worst?!”

“You did something that would end you… permanently.”

“Tala, why did you think that? **[Redacted]**! Please stay in my line of sight!”

“I had a friend once who did that after their mother passed. I was the one who found them.”

Janus looked around him at the green grass and tall trees. He saw **[redacted]** trying to catch a squirrel. He sighed, sitting down on a bench, “it hurts.”

“Did you drive or walk to the park?”

“We walked, it’s a nice day for a walk.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“It feels like nothing should be this nice.”

Tala ended up picking the siblings up. Then she forced Janus to let her cook a meal for them. She prepared Filipino chicken adobo with white rice. She also apparently stopped at her place and grabbed some homemade vanilla caramel ice cream.

“I doubt Jinx would care that I grabbed this,” she told the siblings after they finished their meals.

Janus chuckled lightly, “and, how is she and the little one? I keep forgetting to ask.”

“She’s great, so is our baby boy. He sleeps a lot, but the doctor told us there is nothing to worry about.”

“You keep forgetting to bring him over. I haven’t seen him in forever!”

“It’s been, what? A month?”

“Yeah, I wanna see him! Anyway, how are her twins?” Janus asked

“The folks that adopted them are still wonderful,” Tala told her friend. “She sees them every weekend. One has claimed red, while the other one claimed green.”

This went on for a while. **[Redacted]** barely said a word but latched on to what the two adults were saying. She didn’t understand most but tried to.

In the end, Tala wrapped up the leftovers for the siblings and told them how to heat it up properly. Janus thanked her and saw her out. She hugged him tightly.

“Just remember,” she whispered, “you’re not alone.”

The rest of the week came and went. The funeral was on Saturday. Friends and family from all around showed up. Janus already had a black suit. He had to get his sister something black. It was tough because the child wasn’t a fan of black. Purple, yes. Black, no. However, the funeral went seemingly perfect.

About a month later when the will was finally executed, Janus was surprised by how much their parents saved. Aunt patty tried to give Janus her share. Janus declined. His sister got his father’s prized 1969 red Volkswagen Beetle. Janus would keep it in pristine condition till **[redacted]** could drive it. She also had a college fund that was transferred over to Janus for the time being.

Janus was also granted custody of his sister. However, their grandparents tried to get her in their custody. They even called CPS anonymously. **[Redacted]** was given to them for a week while they investigated Janus. When she was picked back up by CPS later, it was noted she had bruises and held her arm tightly, like it hurt but hiding that it hurt. They decided to be on the safe side and bring her to the hospital.

**[Redacted]** refused to talk, but the evidence was damning. Janus, who had been told to wait at home till his sister was dropped off, arrived at the hospital immediately after being called to do so.

He was horrified when they explained everything that seemed to happen at his grandparents. He was told to wait a bit before going in to see his sister. They also hoped he could get her to open up. He quickly sent a text off to Tala.

“It was just a week,” he muttered.

When he was allowed to see her, he felt his heart plummet. His baby sister was just sitting in a hospital gown staring out the window. She seemed impossibly small the bed. He noticed a CPS worker nearby. He softly knocked on the doorframe before entering.

She jumped at the sound, eyes widening when she saw it was Janus. She jumped up and quickly hugged her big brother tightly. Tears were streaming down her face. She kept muttering how she didn’t want to go back.

Janus knelt in front of her, “can you tell me what happened?”

She leaned in and whispered, “they were mean.”

“What do you mean by that.”

“Gramma would yell a lot. She kept saying Mommy and Daddy were bad people.”

Janus sighed, “you know that’s not true, right?”

**[Redacted]** nodded, “she also covered my mouth a lot.”

Janus scrunched up his eyebrows, “can you show me what that looked like?”

She nodded and covered her mouth and squeezed his nose closed. Janus quickly grabbed her hands gently. He also noticed her wince when he moved her right arm away.

“Okay, um,” Janus’ brain was rushing. “Did gramps do anything?”

“He hit me a lot,” **[redacted]** admitted. “Not like when we would play. His hurt.”

“Did-,” Janus choked back a sob, “did either of them touch you?”

She cocked her head, clearly confused, “they touched me lots of times.”

“I- I mean, did Mommy and Daddy ever teach you about where you should never be touched?”

She nodded, still confused.

“Did they ever touch you _there_?”

She shook her head.

Janus breathed out a sigh of relief, “okay, that’s good. That’s great. Uh, what about your arm? What happened there?”

“Gramps pushed me down.”

Thankfully, their grandparents were arrested. Their grandmother only got six months. Their grandfather was put away for 2 years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Word Count: 2,138


	2. Chapter 2

One day, Janus came home with a box of cupcakes and a dopey smile. Less than six years had passed since the events surrounding his parent’s death. It was a Saturday in late May. He had left his sister home alone for less than an hour to get a treat. Whenever Janus won a case, he would get some treats for the two of them the following Saturday.

“ **[Redacted]**!” Janus called into the house. “I’m home.”

“I’m right here!” his sister was laying on the couch in the living room. She poked her head up and saw the smile on her brother’s face. “What’s up with your face?”

Janus glared jokingly, “I have no idea what you mean.”

“You’re smiling. You never smile like that unless… Oh my god!”

Janus placed the box of cupcakes down on the coffee table, “okay, what’s your thought process?”

“You have a date!”

Janus’ smile widened, “that I do.”

“Who is it?”

“You know that bakery that’s been on our radar for a couple years now?”

“Uh-huh?”

“The owner, Patton, seemed to be flirting with me. So, I flirted back.”

“What happened next?”

“I asked him out, telling him he was the cutest, handsomest man in the world.”

“He obviously accepted, when is it?”

Janus sighed softly, the smile still on his face, “next Friday at 7:30”

\----------------

A month later Janus introduced Patton to his sister. They seemed to hit it off right away. They got along quite nicely.

\----------------

Two weeks later Janus walked past the bathroom and heard sobbing. He knew immediately his sister was having a panic attack. After not getting any response to his pleas to make sure she was alright, he went in. As much as he respected her privacy, he needed to make sure she was alright.

She wasn’t. She had a pair of scissors in her hands. Luckily, she wasn’t doing anything with them besides grasping them tightly. Janus’ breath caught in his throat. He slowly sunk to the ground beside the bathtub. She was just rocking back and forth in it. The tub was full, but she was still fully dressed.

“Hey, **[redacted]** , whatcha doin’?”

“That’s not my name,” his sister muttered so quietly he barely heard. She was still breathing too fast and crying.

“What did you say-”

“That not my name!”

Janus winced at the volume of her voice, “Uh, okay. Um, can you- can you tell me what you wanna be called by?”

“Virgil,” again her voice was soft.

“Did you say ‘Virgil?’”

“Mhm,” Virgil nodded

“But Virgil is a boy’s name?”

“I know that!”

“Okay, uh, is there something you wanna tell me?”

Virgil started sobbing harder, breathing heavier, “I’m a boy, but that’s not right because I was born a girl and I hate it. Everything is wrong! According to Kelsey, people like me are an abomination who are going straight to Hell to burn and I wanted to tell you earlier, but I just got so scared. Except it hurts when you call me **[redacted]**. It hurts and it makes me just wanna jump off that really high bridge we go over sometimes and-”

Janus put a hand on Virgil’s shoulder, “hey, calm down. You’re fine. You are _not_ going anywhere. You’re going to stay right here. It’s fine if you’re a boy. It would be fine if you were secretly a Martian. You would still be my sibling. At least now I can say I have a brother.”

Virgil’s head shot up, “brother?”

“Yeah- unless you want a different term. We could find something else if you-”

Virgil smiled, “brother… I like it.”

“Now, that that’s settled, can you give me the scissors?”

Virgil looked down at his hands, “I forgot I still had them…”

“That’s alright. However, I want to know if you ever hurt yourself before.”

Virgil handed the scissors over to his brother and shook his head.

“I never did anything,” Virgil told his older brother.

“Okay, that’s good. Uh, would you like me to cut your hair?”

Virgil’s face lit up, “really?”

Janus nodded and pulled Virgil out of the tub, grimacing slightly at his wet clothes, “go change first.”

Virgil nodded and tried to dash out the bathroom. Key word: tried. He ended up slipping and almost hit his head on the counter. Janus rolled his eyes, telling his brother to walk carefully. Janus walked down the stars into the kitchen, setting up the area they usually used for cutting hair.

When Virgil arrived downstairs, he was wearing a pair of plaid pajama pants (tied tightly with the string) and a purple t-shirt. Janus smirked knowingly.

“I thought I lost those pants two years ago?” Janus joked.

“Uh… you did,” Virgil grinned. “You just didn’t realize I was the reason they became lost.”

Janus chuckled and had Virgil sit down… then he noticed the plastic bag with the Hot Topic logo on it in his grasp. He pointed at it questioningly.

“I- uh- I was wondering,” Virgil shuffled from one foot to the other. “I was wondering if we could dye my hair?”

Janus just sighed and shook his head in disbelief, “When did you get the hair dye?”

“When you let Jack and I hang out at the mall. He ended up ditching me for some of his other friends. I went into Hot Topic and bought a bunch of stuff, along with a bit of hair dye and bleach.”

Janus sighed once again, “whelp, I have no choice, really. If I don’t do it, you’ll either do it yourself or you’ll have one of your shitty friends do it. Either way, I’m the best solution.”

“Yep, plus you do your friends’ hair all the time. I’ve seen your skills. Also, do you charge them? You should charge them.”

Janus rolled his eyes, “I’m not going to charge them to do their hair, especially because they bring their own products. Now, sit.”

Janus started cutting Virgil’s hair slowly, unsure of how short to go. That ended up with Virgil snatching the scissors (Janus was not happy about that) and cut off a large chunk near his ear. Janus just nodded with wide eyes and started chopping off Virgil’s long hair. He styled it first so he could show Virgil the look before doing his dye job. Virgil was in love. He wasn’t sure he picked the right color, but it turned out fantastic.

Virgil now had purple hair.

\---------------------

Janus reintroduced Virgil to Patton. Patton gushed over his hair. He only stumbled on his name and pronouns a total of three times.

Virgil made sure to tell Janus later that Patton was a keeper.

\---------------------

Virgil started to secretly make a podcast in July. He just mostly talked about his week and what was going on in his life. Janus wouldn’t learn about it until nearly a month later. He only learned when he heard his brother screaming about hitting 1,000 listeners. He went on the podcast with his brother and just complained about not knowing about the show earlier.

\---------------------

It was around 4:30 in the morning in early September when Janus awoke to hear Virgil screaming. He obviously thought the worst and rushed to Virgil’s room. Virgil was on his bed, staring at his covers with wide eyes and clutching his stomach tightly. Janus didn’t want to touch Virgil in case it would make him worse. He did let Virgil know he was there.

The boy glanced up, eyes wet, looking scared, “I think I’m dying.” His voice shook a great deal.

Janus’ eyes widened when he said that, “uh, okay. Wha- what happened?”

“I woke up and there was blood everywhere!”

Janus was starting to freak out, “where? I don’t see anything.”

With trembling hands Virgil lifted his covers and showed his brother. Sure enough, there was blood in the middle of the bed. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what had happened.

“See!” Virgil pointed at the blood-soaked sheets, “I’m dying!”

Janus sighed softly, very unprepared for this conversation. “You are _not_ dying.”

“How do you know? Did this ever happen to you?”

“I- I just know you aren’t. Look, how about I call Tala in a few hours to get her to explain?”

“Call her now,” Virgil sobbed out.

“It’s 4:30 in the morning, I can’t call her!”

“Please call her! I don’t wanna die!”

Janus pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, going back to his room to dial his friend. She picked up after three rings.

“Wha-?” a tired voice asked on the other side of the phone.

“Tala?” Janus was trying his best to not yawn.

“Janus?” Tala sounded more awake now. “Why are you calling at… 4:47 in the morning?”

“I- ugh, I need some help.”

“Are you two alright? Do you need a place to stay? I doubt Jinx would mind-”

“Not that kind of help,” Janus reached Virgil’s room once more and walked back in to see Virgil still sobbing.

“What kind then?” She sounded skeptical. “Wait! Is that Virgil crying?”

“I’m am seriously out of my element here,” Janus confessed. “Just please come over.”

“I don’t wanna die!” Virgil sobbed out when he saw Janus on the phone.

“Why would he be dying?!” Tala was fully alert now. “Why would you need my help? Call for an ambulance!”

Janus sighed once more, “his monthly friend has finally arrived.”

“Oh. Oh…” Tala sounded shocked and relieved at the same time. “Do you have any supplies?”

Janus shook his head as he said, “nope. I don’t even know what to get. I’m a gay guy who got the bare minimum of sex ed. Please help me.”

The line was silent for a moment before Tala told him to give her fifteen/twenty minutes. Janus thanked her before hanging up. He sat on the edge of Virgil’s bed.

“Can you tell me everything you’re feeling so I can tell Tala?” Janus asked his younger brother.

“My stomach hurts,” Virgil informed him, “like I’m being stabbed over and over. My chest feels weird. I’m also little dizzy”

“Okay, um, anyway, she’ll be here in a bit. Do you want anything?”

Virgil reached his hand out and grasped one of Janus’, “Just stay. I’m scared.”

Janus nodded, squeezing his brother’s hand. A few moments later his phone buzzed, alerting him Tala was there. After promising to be right back, he went to the front door, opening it and quickly lead her to Virgil’s room, explaining what Virgil told him.

Virgil’s eyes widened at the bags she had, “what’s all that?”

“These will help,” she told him before tacking on, “hopefully.”

“How will that help?! I’m pretty sure I’m dying!”

Tala sighed softly, sitting near the boy, “You are not dying. I can promise you that.”

“How?!” His eyes were still filled with fear.

Janus sat next to them on the floor, looking up at Tala and seeing the sympathy on her face.

“Because that happens to me.”

Virgil scrunched his eyebrows in confusion.

“Okay, um, you know how our biology is very similar opposed to Janus and his boy-toy, Patton?”

“He’s not my ‘boy-toy’” Janus quickly told her; he was ignored.

“Anyway, our biology sucks.”

“How?” Virgil’s voice was soft.

“You know how you were assigned female at birth?”

Virgil fidgeted a bit before nodding.

“It means you were born with female anatomy. That means that most women, not all, and transmen, like yourself, menstruate.”

“Okay…?”

“Most people blame Mother Nature for this. Basically, it means what is happening right now, usually happens once a month for a few days.”

Virgil looked horrified, “so, I’m basically being damned for being born in this body?”

“Yeah,” she looked at the boy with sad eyes.

“So, real men don’t experience this?”

Janus quickly jumped in, “there are plenty of _real_ men who do experience this. They were just born like you.”

“But you don’t experience this!”

“No, I don’t. But-”

“So that means I’m not really a guy.”

“Sweetheart,” Tala stepped back in, “you basically just said that other trans men are not men.”

“They are though!”

“Then,” Janus popped back into the conversation, “why are you any different?”

Virgil looked down and muttered, “I don’t know…”

“Virge,” Tala directed the boy’s attention to her, “I’ve known you for almost 8 years now. I know you are going to grow up to be a great man one day. Right now, however, you’re still young. No, you’re not a real man.” Janus tried to interject, but was cut off by Tala continuing, “but, you are a real boy.”

Virgil was quiet for a few moments, before asking, “how do I handle this?”

Tala and Janus shared a glance before they both smiled softly at the boy. Janus leaned forward and took hold of his hand, squeezing it tightly before letting go… or at least trying to. Virgil held on, which made Janus scoot closer to the bed.

Tala let out a small chuckle before explaining everything she got, she was glad there was a 24-hour CVS nearby. She first took out pads, tampons, and a menstrual cup. She explained how they all worked and that everyone’s preferences were different.

She also pulled out a heating pad and a hot water bottle. She explained that they had the same purpose, but one needed electricity whilst the other just needed hot water. Then came the Midol. She explained how it was a lifesaver for her. She then pulled out a bottle of stain remover. She mostly explained this bit to Janus for now, telling him to teach Virgil later how to properly use it. Then she pulled out a bunch of dark chocolate and tea.

“Dark chocolate can help with those cramps you’re experiencing,” Tala told the boy. “So can the tea I got you. Warm drinks _definitely_ help me. I’ll give a list of foods that Janus can get that can help you.”

Virgil looked uncomfortable, but took everything in.

“Also, hot baths help.” She looked at Janus and sighed. “Keep him home from school today. Watch him.”

“I have to go into the office,” Janus told her softly, “I have court today.”

“Fuck, um, okay. I’ll take the day off.”

“I can go to school,” Virgil told them, before hissing and clutching his stomach once more as a new wave of pain passed through him.

“And I can’t ask that of you,” Janus told her.

Tala groaned, “Fuck, and Jinx can’t miss work today, she has a presentation.”

Virgil groaned and collapsed into the fetal position, “just leave me here to die!”

“Again, not dying.”

“Uh, how about you go take a bath,” Janus suggested to the boy, “and Tala and I will figure this out?”

“It hurts to move,” came the response.

“Get up,” Tala demanded. “You have to move around, that also helps.”

Virgil moaned before sitting back up and slinking out of bed and to the bathroom. Once he was gone, Tala noticed the bed.

“You let him sit in blood?” she asked

“He wouldn’t stop crying about dying!” Janus shot back.

Tala sighed as Janus started pulling the blankets and sheets off the bed. Luckily, they had a mattress pad. Tala followed the younger man down the stairs into the laundry room. Once that was done, Janus and Tala were sitting on the kitchen island.

“What am I going to do?” He asked her.

Tala shrugged, “I don’t know. You just gotta believe in yourself.”

“How are you a better parent than me? You’re only three years older than me. You would’ve done a much better job raising him.”

She glared harshly at her friend, “don’t ever say that. You’ve done a wonderful job raising him so far.”

“But I know nothing about this. How can I help him if I don’t understand?”

“You just gotta try your best. And ask for help when you need it.”

“Yeah, okay. Um, can you also help me give him the ‘talk?’”

Tala burst out laughing, “You’re on your own there, buddy. Also, take him to a gynecologist. Just to make sure everything is okay.”

Janus chuckled nervously before asking what they were going to do in this situation.

“We could leave him alone?”

Janus sighed, “I would rather not, though.”

“I know,” Tala put an arm around her friend’s shoulders, “but what if we checked in every half-hour?”

“How is that going to work?” Janus asked skeptically.

“When you’re busy winning, I’ll check in. You can call whenever you can. If there is an emergency, I’ll make sure a message gets to you.”

So, it was agreed. Virgil ended up staying home a few days. Janus ended up getting a couple more supplies he read that could help. A weighted blanket and a yoga mat. He ordered them using next-day delivery.

The rest of the week was horrible. Somehow Virgil still recorded an episode for his podcast. Janus listened to it once it was up. He was surprised to hear how open Virgil was on what had occurred. The next morning at breakfast Janus told him how proud he was of him, almost making Virgil choke on his food.

\---------------------

Sadly, less than a month later, the calm that had been occurring with the brothers slammed on the brakes. Janus was luckily just in the office when he received a call from his brother’s school, telling him to come in. It didn’t help they were misgendering and deadnaming Virgil the whole call. Janus groaned and informed Tala that he had to head out. She told him to keep her in the loop.

When Janus arrived at the school, he sighed as he opened the door to enter. He went to the office and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw a soaking Virgil with a bruise forming on his cheek and busted lip. He rushed up to his brother and knelt in front of him, putting a hand on his knee as he noticed tears dripping down his brother’s face. He also took note of the dazed expression on Virgil’s face.

“Hey,” Janus spoke with a soft, caring voice. “What happened?”

Before Virgil spoke up, the principal walked into the front office, “Ah, thank goodness you’re here, Mr. Sanders. Please follow me to my office.” The balding middle-aged man lead the older brother into a small office. “ **[Redacted]** has been nothing but trouble since the year started.”

“Uh, what has _Virgil_ done?”

“You don’t have to pretend with me.”

“Pretend?”

“By calling her by that name.”

Janus reeled back, “sir, with all due respect, that is _his_ name. Now why did you call me here?” Janus reached down and grabbed a small notepad from his bag. He saw the confusion on the man’s face. “I just like to keep notes.” Then he pulled out his phone, “Just to let you know, I’m also going to record this.”

“Okay, um, anyway **[redacted]** refuses to use the girl’s restroom and tries to use the boy one. She is currently using the restroom in the nurses’ office. She keeps ‘correcting’ the teachers when they call her by her name. And today? She apparently started harassing some other classmates before running and jumping into the pool, fully dressed!”

Janus looked up at the principal, “I’m sorry, ‘harassing?’ What do you mean by that?”

“She wouldn’t leave them alone as they headed into gym.”

“Care to elaborate? What did he specifically do?”

“She just wouldn’t stop following them around.”

Janus looked down at his notepad, “and who were these kids?”

“I’m not at liberty to say,” the principal smugly told him.

“Okay, I can get that. However, how can I trust that those students are telling the truth? Do they have any injuries? Are any of them soaking?”

The principal sputtered out that, no, they did not.

“I also know I did not drop him off at school with those injuries. Furthermore, I have proof from Virgil that you are doing nothing to protect him.”

“Sir, we do everything to pro-”

“I am afraid you do not.” Janus somehow sat up straighter and smirked, “however, I believe I have a case of discriminatory behavior done by the faculty of this school. Expect to be slapped with a lawsuit soon.” Janus stood up abruptly. “In the meantime, I will be removing my _brother_ from this institution.”

“You can’t do that!” The principal was shocked.

“I believe I can and am doing that. And you seem to forget, I have this all recorded,” he told the balding man, ending the recording and putting his phone in his pocket. “Don’t test one of the best prosecutors in the state.”

With that Janus stormed out of the office, quickly signing out Virgil and leading him to the car. They sat in silence for a few moments. Virgil glanced at Janus and saw the angry look on his face.

“I’m sorry,” Virgil quietly apologized, Janus didn’t notice the slight slurring of his words.

Janus snapped his head up and looked at Virgil, seeing guilt in his eyes. He sighed softly; his heart felt like it was in his stomach. “Why are you sorry?”

“I dunno, you just look angry. I must’ve done something.”

Janus let his head fall as he ran his fingers through his hair, “I am angry,” he heard Virgil stop breathing, “I’m angry, but not at you.”

“Wha- what?”

“Before I explain,” Janus took a deep breath, looking back up at his brother, “I want you to tell me who hurt you.”

“It’s nothing,” Virgil muttered. “They push me around all the time. Nothing new.”

“I don’t want to push you, but please just tell me.”

Virgil just remained quiet.

Janus sighed and leaned his head against the headrest, “okay, no names. Please just tell me what happened.”

Virgil looked down at his lap, wringing his hands a bit. “They just wouldn’t leave me alone. I think one guy held me while the others took turns hitting me. I don’t really remember, I hit my head at some point.”

“Wait- you hit your head?!” Janus immediately sat up straight, reaching over to check his brother’s head. Sure enough, there was some blood mixed in with the wet hair. That’s when he noticed his brother had been slurring his words. “Tell me more while I drive.”

“Are we going home?” Virgil looked confused.

“No, we’re going to the hospital.” Janus quickly pulled out of the parking lot.

“What?! Why?” Virgil was starting to panic.

“Just tell me what happened, please.” Janus had this pleading look in his eyes.

“I dunno,” Virgil shrugged. “I don’t remember anything else. When I woke up I-”

“Woke up?!” Janus glanced at his brother quickly, noting how he winced at the sound of his voice.

“Yeah…” Virgil trailed off. “Anyway, I came to in the nurses’ office. The nurse that was there, she’s my favorite. She’s this nice old lady. She always makes sure I’m okay.”

“I know, I’ve met her a few times. She’s the only good person in that school.”

When they arrived at the emergency entrance Janus kept a hand on Virgil’s shoulder as they entered. He sat his brother in a chair close by while he checked in. He informed that it was head injury, but there might be other wounds. While they waited, Janus sent a text off to Tala, informing her of where they were.

A few hours later, Virgil was diagnosed with a grade three concussion. Apparently, Virgil failed to mention that the lights were hurting his eyes and that his vision was blurry until the doctor was finally looking him over. He also had ringing in the ears and was dizzy and slightly forgetful. Janus was not happy, especially when Virgil took a couple extra moments to remember where they lived.

The doctor pulled Janus aside and told him he would like to keep Virgil overnight. Of course, the protective older brother agreed. When Janus told Tala, they were spending the night in the hospital, she stopped by for a short visit. She was taken aback by the state of Virgil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 4,023
> 
> (I'm mainly doing the word count thing for me so feel free to ignore it)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday Virgil!
> 
> Read the tags

Patton moved in with the siblings just before Christmas. He was very happy to be present during Virgil’s first birthday as Virgil. Since he now lived with them, he ended up cooking and baking a lot for them. However, he was always teaching them new meals and how to make them. The only problem was that he was still telling his family he was dating his best friend… who was a lesbian. They were each other’s beards. She was actually dating his sister, who was 25. His friend was 27.

One Saturday Patton told Janus he was finally going to come out to his family. Of course, Janus was supportive. He was preparing for the worst, but he was ultimately supportive. Patton told his sister and friend what he was planning. Luckily, his sister was already out of that toxic environment as.

Janus went with Patton to a neutral area to meet his parents. It was mid-January when they invited his parents over for dinner. When his parents arrived, they looked _normal_. With _normal_ smiles.

Patton’s mother, Karen, smiled at him, “Patton, dear, who are your friends?”

Patton was fidgeting with his hands under the table, “Uh this is Janus,” he gestured to his boyfriend. “And this is Virgil.”

As much as Janus and Patton didn’t want the teen there, he was adamant in being present. The curly haired man’s parents gave Virgil a disapproving glance, most likely because he recently re-dyed his hair.

“Those are some nice names,” Patton’s father, Matthew, looked over Janus. “Quick question, do you have a girlfriend or something. Our daughter, Alice, just happens to be looking for someone.”

Patton buried his face in his hands, groaning. Virgil chuckled softly at the scene.

Janus chuckled nervously, “uh, I actually do have someone in my life currently.”

“That’s a shame. Anyway,” Matthew swiveled to face his son, “why’d you ask us to come to dinner?”

“Uh,” Patton tried to find the words, “how about we sit down for dinner first?”

So, it was agreed, and they sat down at the dining room table. It was very awkward for all parties. Patton already had a bit of a strained relationship with his folks. After a bit of small talk, Karen decided to ask Janus some questions.

“So, Janus,” she instantly got his attention, “what is it that you do?”

“Oh, um,” Janus was prepared for questions, he just forgot that they might actually ask him questions. “I’m a prosecutor for the state.”

“That seems like a very reliable job,” Matthew piped up before going back to his meal.

“And,” Karen continued this interrogation, “how old are you?”

“Oh, I’m going to be 31 next month.”

“And how old is Virgil?”

“I just turned 13 last month,” Virgil decided to answer for himself.

“It must’ve been difficult then,” Karen, “raising a child at such a young age.”

Janus wasn’t quite catching on, but was confused, nonetheless. “Yeah, at first it was difficult, but we grew into a routine pretty quickly.”

“It must’ve been hard on you.”

Janus raised an eyebrow, “yeah, but raising anyone can be hard.”

“I mean, going to school and all. How did you manage?”

Janus’ eyes bulged, finally getting it. H e glanced at Virgil, who also had wide eyes. He choked a bit before responding, “Virgil isn’t my kid.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, he is my kid, but not because I’m his dad. He’s my brother.”

“But you just said you’ve been raising him,” Karen thought she had trapped him in lies.

Janus sighed, “that’s because our parents died when he was six.”

Karen’s whole attitude changed, she put on a face of pity. It made the brothers cringe internally.

“Mom, Dad,” Patton decided to turn the attention over to himself, which he instantly regretted. “I- uh, I have something to tell you.”

“What is it Pattoncake?” his mother’s eyes looked at him softly.

“It’s- uh, it’s a difficult thing to tell you-”

“Just spit it out, son,” Matthew grumbled.

“O- oh, okay. Uh, I asked you guys to come over because I’m… I’m gay.”

It seemed like the mood changed instantaneously. Patton felt like his heartbeat was louder and that everyone could hear it. Both of his parents’ faces turned into ones of hatred.

“I’m sorry,” Matthew looked straight into his son’s eye, “did you just say that you were gay?”

“Y- yeah,” Patton’s voice was meek.

His father abruptly stood up a walked over to Patton’s seat on the other side of the table. The others knew what was about to happen, but before anyone could stop it, it happened. Patton’s eyes were wide. His father had just picked him out of his chair and slammed him into the nearby wall, holding him up by his neck. He couldn’t hear the screaming of Janus telling Virgil to run upstairs and call for help. He couldn’t hear anything that was being yelled. He just heard his own heartbeat as his eyes started to blur from tears that were forming.

Suddenly, Patton was released, crumbling to the floor. He stared at his hands, his legs, the floor. He didn’t dare look up. He knew the consequences of looking up. It had been years, but he knew. He knew. He didn’t take notice of his surroundings, trapped in his own mind. If he did, he would’ve seen that Janus, who had managed to pry Matthew off Patton, socking the father right in the jaw.

Janus was glad when they left. Karen had dragged her husband out of the house, muttering about leaving before the cops pulled up. Janus turned around to look at Patton, finally noticing his love was his knees, staring at his hands. He looked like he was bracing for something. The lawyer rushed to his side, kneeling softly next to him. He hesitantly put a hand on his shoulder but pulled back instantly when Patton violently flinched away.

So, he just started talking about his day and what was going on around him. He learned this technique when he was figuring how to deal with Virgil during his panic attacks that lead to shutdowns. Neither of the men noticed that the teen slowly passed the room. He glanced at them before he headed to the front door as red and blue lights flashed through the front window. Of course, the officers were a bit surprised when he opened the door.

“Uh, hi, I’m officer Bran and this is my partner: officer Clark,” the officer addressed the teen, “can you tell us what happened?”

Virgil bit his lip, breathing heavily and shaking, “he hurt Patton.”

Clark’s brow furrowed in confusion and worry, “who hurt Patton? Where is he?”

“He’s in the dining room with Jan now,” Virgil pointed to the entryway that led to the dining room.

Bran stepped inside and walked over to the dining room. Clark stayed with the boy, “do you want to sit down?”

Virgil nodded and led the officer to the living room. He sat down and instantly pulled his knees to his chest, still shaking.

“I bet whatever you saw scared you, huh?” Clark asked, trying to get the boy to open up.

Virgil nodded, but then his phone dinged. He smiled slightly when he saw the text that he just got. He replied and within the next few moments, the front door flew open.

“Virgil?!” Tala sounded frantic. She glanced into the living room first, and instantly rushed up to the boy.

Clark, who had been kneeling in front of the teen stood up, hand on hip. “Who are you?”

Tala instantly raised her hands, tensing. “Uh, I’m- I’m Tala Isip. I am-”

Before more could be said, Virgil jumped up and ran past Clark, throwing his arms around Tala. She waited to see the officer relax before hugging back. She quickly noticed he was shaking.

“I- I was so scared,” Virgil muttered.

“I know, sweetie,” Tala held the boy a little tighter, “I know.”

\---------------------

After that night, Patton had horrible nightmares. He refused to talk about it and played it off like nothing was wrong. Of course, Janus was worried. Actually, Janus was worried for two people. Virgil was now more on edge and refused to talk about the events that took place, even to his therapist.

Patton, despite Janus’ pleas, decided not to press charges against his father. Since there wasn’t enough evidence, Matthew walked free. Janus wasn’t pleased but didn’t push the matter.

One night, the two were in bed. Patton was lying down, staring up at the ceiling, hands clasped on his abdomen. Janus was sitting up, bent over reading _Bel Canto_ by Ann Patchett. Then Patton opened his mouth.

“I never graduated high school,” Patton said out of the blue.

Janus quietly set down his book and looked over at his boyfriend, not wanting to say anything till he knew Patton was done.

“I was forced to drop out the day after my sixteenth birthday. They said I didn’t need an education, that it was useless and all I had to do was work in their store. I hated it, but I knew I couldn’t complain. They tried that with Alice, but she always had more fire than me. She would fight them on everything. They never laid a hand on her though. I made sure of that.” Patton took a shaky breath, continuing to stare at the ceiling.

“For a long time, I believed them. I believed them when they said that people like me, like _us_ , were evil and going to Hell. That people like us should just die. I- I couldn’t handle it. Three times. I tried to kill myself three times. All because of them. All because I thought I deserved to die. I knew I wouldn’t be accepted. _I knew!_ ”

Patton crossed his arms over his eyes, taking a deep breath. “I knew and yet I tried. I tried and it ended horribly.”

Janus couldn’t stand it, he leaned over and pulled Patton into an embrace. He could feel his love shaking as tears started pouring out.

“I feel like someone, that _they_ , stabbed me in my chest and twisted it. That they keep twisting it.”

Janus held Patton tighter, “I am so sorry.”

“No,” Patton pulled away roughly. “I’m sorry! I messed everything up! I invited them into your home and traumatized Virgil!”

Janus put on a very serious face, staring Patton dead in the eyes, “Pat, this is your home too, now. You had every right to bring them into this house. Hell, you asked _me,_ and I said it was fine. Sure, Virgil has one more thing to add to the piling list of traumas, but this is not on you. It’s on _them_. That man, who called you son, is at fault for hurting you and doing that in the presence of a minor. That woman, who you called mom, is at fault for just idly sitting by… for fueling the fire and defending her husband. None of that is your fault!”

“But I just sat there and let it happen!”

“We are not doing this,” Janus shook his head. “You were in shock. None of this was your fault! You didn’t deserve any of it.”

“Except I did,” Patton sprang out of bed and began pacing back and forth. “I _let_ this happen.”

Janus followed suit and once again pulled Patton into a tight embrace, whispering “you did nothing wrong, darling.”

Patton didn’t have a response, just barely holding himself upright.

\---------------------

Virgil was almost fourteen when he heard about an up-and-coming teen star. He didn’t stop talking about the teen for weeks.

“Oh my god!” Virgil had screamed from the top of the stairs. “Janus, you have to listen to this guy! He’s so awesome!”

Janus had slowly walked to the bottom of the stairs and stared at Virgil for a solid minute before finally asking, “who are you talking about?”

Virgil almost fell down the stairs trying to reach his brother as fast as possible. He held up his phone to Janus’ face. Well, he tried to. Janus was 6’2” whilst Virgil was still only 4’7”. “His name is Remus Prince, but he goes by The Duke. He’s so awesome!”

Janus took the phone and had a flash a recognition flash across his face, but Virgil didn’t see it. Janus quickly schooled his expression and smiled, “why don’t you go put some of his music on?”

Virgil nodded and dashed to the living room to connect his phone to the speaker. Soon the house was filled with a soft melody. After that it was loud and chaotic. Janus just smiled at his younger brother dancing around the room. He had to admit the Prince boy did grow into his voice.

When Patton got home, it was about 7:30 at night. As the year was closing, he had to stay later than usual to get everything in order. And do orders. So many orders this time of year. He saw the siblings practically passed out on the couch with loud music blaring out of the speakers. He smiled as he grabbed a blanket, covering them quietly.

\---------------------

“Hey everybody,” Virgil’s awkward tone came through thousands of headphones. “How long has it been, and I still can’t properly say ‘hi?’ For those who are new, welcome to My Hell, a podcast about my life. My name is Anxiety. I’m here, I’m queer, and I’m living is existential fear! For those who don’t know, I came out as trans about three years ago now. Ya’ll have been on this ride ever since. I’ve mentioned how sucky it is to not know what the fuck is going on with your own body when living with only a cis-male adult figure in your life. How terrifying it was to find out I wasn’t dying but was only going to feel like it whilst bleeding once a month. If you go back a year so, you’ll find the episode in which I talk about how the ‘talk’ played out. TLDR: my brother freaked out and told me I would die if I ever did the do. His boyfriend had to explain that, no, I wouldn’t die.

“So, have any of you ever felt like you had no control in your life? Like things keep happening and you can’t change a single damn thing? Yeah, well, I’ve been feeling like that for a while now.” His voice dropped lower, like he was tired. “I know some of you don’t like when I talk about my changing body, but this is my fucking podcast. Leave or shut the hell up. Anyway, I…” an audible sigh could be heard. “I hate myself. I hate that every time I look in a mirror, I just see something disgusting. Like, why am I like this?

“I don’t think Janus has noticed, but my chest has started developing more and more. We talked about doing puberty blockers a while ago, but I was scared back then. Wondering if I was making the right choice. In the end, I didn’t make the right choice because I chose wrong. Janus left the decision in my hands, and I just thought that maybe, _maybe_ if I waited longer my feelings would change.

“I’ve read some of your messages that you’ve sent in. I’ve talked about this issue in the past. I’ve shared my frustrations with ya’ll. Sadly, I can’t just go ask him to help me get on T. It’s hard to speak to him about any of this. Sure, he helps me out and has always supported me, but I can’t help but think of the possibility of him reacting badly. Or that no doctor will ever help a fifteen-year-old from **[beep]** , Florida. Shit! I’m, gonna have to go in and edit that. Can’t have the crazies finding me.

“Oh! I did, however, bring up changing my name legally. He said he would think about it,” Virgil sounded dejected. “I think that means he won’t help me. He might also not help because I’ve been lashing out lately. How do I tell him that I am just angry with the world? That I’m putting all that blame on him? A couple of you suggested I just have him listen to this _amazing_ podcast. I can’t do that, he’s very busy. And I probably already fucked everything up anyway. It would be useless to do try to fix this.”

Virgil was silent for a moment, “I wonder if in my desperation, I might do something I might regret. I don’t want to, but I can’t stop that voice in the back of my head telling me horrible things. I brought this up with my therapist, but I don’t think she really listens. I haven’t told Janus that she just dismisses everything. Maybe I should, but I don’t want to start that conversation either.

“Um, sorry. I didn’t mean to start ranting about this. Let’s, uh, let’s change the topic… I finally got my first pair of custom roller skates! My coach is gonna kill me if he sees me around town on these things.” Virgil paused for a moment, “for those who don’t know, I play competitive soccer with a local team… I also do a bit of gymnastics. I am forever dooming myself to extra workouts now.”

Virgil let out a small chuckle, “I’m gonna die.”

\---------------------

“Which one of you _motherfuckers_ snitched on me to my _brother_? What? I’m coming for your left shoes and I’m shitting in them buddy. I’m gonna spit in you goddamn mouth, fucko! Where are you?” Virgil obviously upset when he turned on the microphone to record. “Now that I have quoted one of my favorite Tiktoks, who was it? Who found out my full _legal_ name? I haven’t even said my name on this fucking podcast!”

Virgil could be heard taking a deep breath, “so who told Janus about my issues? I know it wasn’t because he fucking listened to this show. His exact words were ‘one of your internet friends found me on Facebook and told me to talk to you.’ So, if I get fucking doxed, I will find that motherfucker and put their head on a spike! If people share that info, I will make more spikes and do the same fucking thing to you!”

“Virgil,” Janus, who was a rare guest on his brother’s show, finally spoke up, “you can’t just threaten people. I don’t want to hire a defense attorney.”

Virgil groaned, “why can’t you just defend me?”

“I am _not_ a defense attorney!” Janus stressed.

“Anyway, you agreed to come on to help me out.”

“Yep, definitely gonna help you out here… I think we should first discuss what the problem was that lead to this occurring.”

“My anxiety. Done.”

“No, I’m talking about the legal name change and starting T issues.”

“Yeah…” Virgil trailed off. “I know, you wanted to talk about this on here, but couldn’t you just tell me no without-”

“I’m not saying no.”

“- it being on he- Wait, what?” Virgil was obviously shocked.

“I will do my best to get you on T-”

“Re- really?” Virgil sounded choked up.

“Yeah,” Janus confirmed. “You deserve to be happy.”

“I do?”

“Of course. Everyone deserves to be happy.”

“O- okay.”

“And regarding your name change-”

“Let me guess,” Virgil interrupted. “You won’t help me change my name because-”

“Hold up,” Janus cut Virgil off. “I didn’t say that.”

“But you’re gonna.”

“Nope,” Janus shut down Virgil. “I actually was going to ask to come on here anyway because I petitioned for your name change months ago.”

“Y- you- you did?” Virgil was in disbelief. “Wha- what happened then?”

Janus took a deep breath, “The hearing date is next Thursday at 1pm.”

There was silence before Virgil choked out, “are you fucking with me?”

Janus must’ve shook his head because there was suddenly a crash and listeners could tell that Virgil was farther away from the microphone as he thanked Janus over and over. After a few moments, shuffling could be heard, and someone cleared their throat.

“Sorry about that ya’ll,” Virgil spoke into the microphone, “I just needed to thank Janus. Like, really, he didn’t have to do any of this.”

“First of all,” Janus started, “you _thanked_ me by tackling me to the ground. Secondly, yes, I did. I had to do this because you are my _brother_ and you, once again, deserve to be happy.”

Virgil sniffled and in general it sounded like he was crying, “Th- thank you, Jan-Jan.”

“Anything for you,” Janus spoke softly before changing the subject. “Now, on a more serious note, ya’ll can’t just find out who my brother is. He’s fifteen.”

“Yeah,” Virgil sniffed one more time before turning serious, “let me be a kid for a bit longer. I don’t wanna have my name out there just yet.”

“If you happen to find out who he is, please, _please_ , keep it to yourself. My brother and I have already discussed this. He’s not going to tell ya’ll who he is till he starts college. So, give it about two years.”

“Yeah, the current plan is to graduate on time. I’ll tell you my name then. Even then, please don’t make it weird because I’ll still only be seventeen.”

“Oh, and don’t forget,” Janus spoke up once again, “if he gets hurt from you doxing his information, I will take you to court. And I am _very_ good at what I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have read Bel Canto, it's and amazing book. I loved it... mostly. Either way, good read for being stuck in the hospital.
> 
> Word Count: 3,598


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> *F-slur/T-slur (if you don't know what that means... it's homophobic and transphobic)  
> *touch of racism  
> *hate crime (I think it's considered a hate crime)
> 
> As always, take note of the ever-growing list of tags.

Virgil was driving down the highway in his ’69 Beetle. He had boxes in the passenger and back seats. He knew that Janus and his now husband, Patton, weren’t too far behind to help him move in. He was excited for this new journey in his life, but he was tired of driving. He had been on the road for about five hours. Luckily, he was just getting off the highway at exit 25. Soon enough Florida International University was in his sights.

Virgil parked as close as he could before hopping out and checking in to get his room key. Without getting any of his stuff, he decided to rush to his dorm to check it out. When he opened the door, the realization crashed into him as he saw the two doors in the suite. His heart started racing. He saw one of them had his name and someone else’s on it. Someone named Logan. He slowly crept towards that door and turned the handle entering.

Sitting on one of the beds was a boy about his age with warm skin. He wore a faded shirt with the planets in our solar system on it. Clearly it was well used. He also had light blue jeans with, clearly unintentional, holes in them. His shoes were apparently once white. He had a duffle, a backpack, and a laundry basket next to him on the floor. What stood out most were his brown eyes behind his glasses as they stared straight into Virgil.

“Uh… hi?” Virgil was terrible when it came to new people.

“Salutations,” ‘Logan’ reached out one of his hands. “My name is Logan.”

“I’m Virgil,” came the response as the anxious teen as he shook the outstretched hand.

Just as Logan was supposed to say something, Virgil’s phone rang. Said teen apologized as he picked up the phone.

“Janus? Why are you calling me? Aren’t you driving right now?”

“Well,” Janus’ voice came through the speaker, “I’m here now. We just pulled up.”

“I- I’ll be down in a second,” Virgil said as he hung up before turning to face Logan. “I’ll be back soon, my brother is gonna help me with some stuff.”

“That’s alright,” Logan responding, looking to his stuff, “I should probably start unpacking… Oh, do you want this bed, or the one closest to the window?”

“I’m fine with either, just take which ever one who prefer.”

When Logan nodded in response, Virgil rushed out of the dorm and to his car. Apparently, Janus and Patton had found a close spot because they were waiting for him beside his car. Virgil filled them both in with what has happened so far.

“Wait,” Patton interrupted. “You said you were going to request for a single.”

“I _was_ ,” Virgil stressed, “but I decided to try rooming first. I already talked with campus housing. They said if I happen to change my mind, they will gladly help me out.”

“Just,” Janus took a deep breath, “be safe. I just want you to be safe.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, “I will be, I promise. Now, help me with these boxes.”

With that Virgil swung a rather large purple duffle over his shoulder and grabbed one of his boxes, labeled ‘activities.’ He quickly led the pair, after they had gotten a box or two and he locked his car back up, to his dorm. He stepped back inside and headed to his and Logan’s room. He slowly opened it, trying to balance his box with his knee and hand. In the little time he had been gone, it seemed like Logan was already done unpacking.

“This is my brother, Janus,” Virgil motioned to his brother once his hands were free, “and his husband, Patton.”

Once the other two had their hands emptied, they shook hands with the bespectacled boy, Patton even pointed out how the two had the same glasses.

“Unless your glasses are roughly seven years old,” Logan told the older man, “then I doubt they are the same.”

“Whatcha mean?” Patton asked. “You would’ve been a kid when you got them.”

Logan took a deep breath, fixing his glasses, “No, I got them a year ago. They were donated not long before and I was the receiver.”

“Well, they still look nice.”

Logan looked down, thanking the older man. Virgil quickly excused himself to grab the last box they had left in the car. When he got back, he walked in on Logan talking with Janus. Virgil set the box down gently and threw an arm around Patton’s shoulders. Or at least tried. The taller man was 6’3” compared to his 5’1” height. Patton loudly laughed at his attempt.

“Kiddo,” he addressed the boy, still laughing, “How many more times are you going to try that?”

“As much as it takes to reach you and Janus,” Virgil retorted, smirking.

Logan decided to pop up, “how old are you?”

“I’m seventeen, why?”

“Because it’s entirely possible you have stopped growing by now.”

Virgil sent Logan a playful glare before sticking his tongue out at him. Soon after this exchange, the two older men said their goodbyes and hugged Virgil one last time before leaving. After they were gone, Virgil tried to hop onto his bed, which was lifted all the way. It took him a few tries, but he got up there.

“You do know we can always ask for them to lower your bed, right?” Logan asked the purple-haired boy.

“Bringing my issues up to others?” Virgil quirked an eyebrow up. “Nope.”

Logan rolled his eyes, “shouldn’t you unpack?”

“Fuck,” Virgil hopped off the bed and started to unpack, starting with his bedding.

“Would you like some help?”

“Nah, I can do it…” Virgil was currently trying to put a flat sheet on his bed. “Actually, please. I need help.”

Logan chuckled softly before standing up and helping his roommate. In the end, Logan helped him make his bed. Virgil smiled; glad he was getting along with his roommate. When they were finished, Logan sat back down, reading, and Virgil started putting away his clothes in the dresser. Then he got to his ‘activities’ box. He pulled out a soccer ball that had a galaxy design and a pump to go along with it.

“You play soccer?” Logan asked.

“Uh, yeah,” Virgil told him honestly, pulling out his cleats and shin guards. “I doubt I’ll make the team, but even if I don’t, I can still mess around with it.”

“That is true,” Logan conceded. “What other physical activities do you engage in?”

Virgil snorted out a laugh, “Uh, I do gymnastics? Mainly for fun now. I was on a team, but I didn’t like it that much. Too much pressure. I do plan to go somewhere to practice when I feel like it. There’s a gymnastics academy nearby that has open gym.”

“You are quite… athletic.”

Vigil chuckled, “I guess you could say that.” Virgil then pulled out a pair of purple roller skates. “I also skate… Anyway, enough about me, what about you?”

“What about me?” Logan furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“Like, what do you like to do?”

“Oh,” Logan glanced down at the book in his hands and then set it down. “I read, obviously, but I’m fascinated with space-”

“I kinda figured by your shirt,” Virgil interrupted. “Sorry… uh, can I guess something?”

“Alright?”

“You are going to… minor in astronomy?”

“H- how did you know that?”

“Educated guess. Anyway, sorry for cutting you off.”

“It’s quite alright,” Logan told him. “You are correct in your assumption. I am, however, majoring in chemical education.”

“You like teaching?” Virgil inquired, pulling out another box labeled ‘Hurricane/Medical.’

“I do. I want to teach high school because for most it’s a crucial time. Anyway, what’s that stuff for?”

“… Hurricanes? We’re in Florida. Miami specifically.”

“I understand that, but aren’t we supposed to be safe here?”

Virgil chuckled softly, shaking his head, “it’s nice to be prepared.”

“I suppose so.” Logan then took another glance inside the box, seeing something the piqued his curiosity, “Can I ask, why do you have a sharps container?”

“Oh, this?” Virgil pulled the container out of the box. “I take some meds that need to be injected.”

“Ah, that makes sense.”

\---------------------

Logan and Virgil became quick friends. They didn’t, however, get along with their other suitemates. They weren’t the best people to be around, always loud, and rude. They both had gotten recruited for football. They were weren’t exactly nice when they met Logan.

“Shouldn’t you go back to your country or something?” The taller one, named Conner, asked the darker teen.

Logan sighed, like he had gotten this question dozens of times before. “I was born here.”

Jake, the other one, scoffed, “I doubt that.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “I’m part of the Oglala Sioux Tribe in South Dakota. So, if anything, _you_ should go back to your country.”

They didn’t know how to respond to that, just scoffed and turned to Virgil, who was now going to get dissed at.

“Save it, assholes,” Virgil told them. “I doubt you can make me hate myself more than I already do. So, don’t even try.”

Before the two taller men could reply, Virgil swiftly headed back into his and Logan’s room. Logan followed suit and closed the door behind him. Logan just stared at Virgil, who was struggling to get on his bed, for a moment. Then, he sat down on his own bed. Once Virgil was sat on his bed, he turned to Logan.

“So,” Virgil was very awkward, “how’s life in South Dakota?”

Logan looked down at his lap, “I wouldn’t know. I haven’t been back since I was four.”

Virgil cocked his head to the right, “why?”

Logan sat up straighter, “I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Tha- that’s fine, Logan.” Virgil then got an idea. “Hey, do you wanna get pizza or something?”

“I- I’m sorry, but I can’t. I’m on a tight budget.”

“No worries, Lo,” Logan’s head shot up when Virgil dubbed him with that nickname, “I can pay-”

Loan blushed slightly, “I can’t just let you do that-”

“And why not? It’s my money. I earned it. I have every right to use it how I wish.”

“You should be saving it-”

“I am, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have some spending money.”

“I can’t let you do that-”

\---------------------

They had pizza that night. The two ended up getting along swimmingly. A little less than a month after moving in, soccer tryouts occurred. He, luckily, got picked for the team. He was entering the dorm with Logan when the two jerks they shared a suite with stepped in front of the two, staring at the shorter teen.

“So, you have a podcast?” Conner sneered.

Virgil’s face went as white as a ghost, “wha- what about it?”

“I just think we should’ve known we were living with a tranny fag,” now it was Jake who sneered.

Logan’s face held a shocked expression, but he schooled it quickly. “And what is wrong with that?”

“Oh, nothing. Just that we should’ve known,” then Conner turned so the pair could enter their bedroom door, “so we could’ve left you this present earlier.”

Both of their eyes widened as they entered their room. All of Virgil’s stuff was tossed around. Virgil took a step inside and immediately reeled back as he heard glass crunching under his foot. His vials that held his T were broken all over the floor. Looking around he saw that his menstrual products were all torn open and tossed across his bed. His flags, which he hadn’t put up yet were cut up and hung like streamers. His extra binders were also destroyed.

Virgil felt like he couldn’t breathe. His eyes stung as he quickly turned and ran out of the dorm. He didn’t hear Logan when he yelled ‘fuck you’ to the football players. He didn’t hear Logan calling his name, running after his new friend. Virgil quickly rushed out the building and to the parking lot, swiftly unlocking it and jumping in. He slammed his door shut, locking it once more, head falling against the steering wheel, sobbing.

Logan, who wasn’t athletic as Virgil, still saw where he was headed and was grateful that the car was still in its spot. He tapped on the window to try to get his friend’s attention. No dice. He tried a few more times before trying to call Virgil’s phone. He could hear the ringtone through the window, but Virgil ignored it as he sobbed. Logan sighed before playing his next card. Janus.

“Hello?” Janus answered, confused.

“I don’t know what to do,” Logan spoke into the receiver.

“Who is this?”

“Oh,” Logan actually never gave the older man his number. “This is Logan, Virgil’s roommate.”

“Oh, okay… why do you need my help? Classes already that tough?”

“Something happened,” Logan took a deep breath, trying to calm down. “I think Virgil might be having a panic attack.”

The line was silent for a moment, “first off, where are you?”

“In the parking lot, Virgil locked himself in his car after running out of the dorm.”

“Put me on speaker, maybe he can hear me through the window.”

So, Logan did just that. It didn’t help. Virgil did sit up, but he just started screaming at nothing and hitting his steering wheel, tears evident on his face. Janus did continue to try to calm Virgil down. It seemed like they were there for hours, but it was only about twenty minutes. Virgil was finally calm enough to crank his window down just a tiny bit.

“I- I wanna go home,” Virgil said defeatedly, sounding broken.

Janus sighed, “can you tell me what happened?”

Virgil shook his head and pointed to Logan.

“I, uh, I believe he wants to recount the events that played out?”

Virgil nodded, placing his head back on his steering wheel.

So, Logan explained everything to Janus. He had to step away from the car as he realized Virgil seemed like he was going to start sobbing again. At the end, Janus groaned in frustrations.

“Logan,” the lawyer addressed the teen, “I want you to hang up and call campus security and tell them that a hate crime has occurred. Once you’ve done that, try to talk to Virgil.”

Once the two hung up, he dialed campus security and informed them where he was. He had to stay on the phone until someone showed up. In the meantime, he did try to talk to Virgil. The crying mess cranked the window down some more and stole Logan’s hand that was not in use, clutching it like it was his only lifeline. Logan didn’t mind.

\---------------------

That Sunday, Janus and Patton were helping move the pair into a spare two-bedroom apartment in the University Towers. Usually, they were used for third- and fourth-year students, but the school made an exception. Their old roommates were let off easy, conduct probation.

The group got odd looks as they brought what little stuff they had into their apartment. When they entered, they set their boxes down on the little table. Virgil, who was still highly upset, slunk into one of the rooms. He sat down defeatedly on the bed. He could hear some whispers but ignored them. Then, Patton popped his head into the room.

“Hey kiddo,” his voice was soft as he slowly approached and sat next to Virgil on the bare bed. “What’s on your mind?”

Virgil rested his head on the older man’s shoulder, “why do people hate me without even knowing me?”

Patton smiled sadly, wrapping an arm around his brother-in-law, “I wish I had an answer.”

“What did I do to them?”

“… You existed. It’s sad, but true. I used to- I still do wonder why some people hate the existence of us.”

“Does it ever get better?”

Patton hesitated, “yes.”

“You hesitated.”

“Well, it _does_ get better. It just takes time and loved ones who support you and cherish you.”

“When will I know?”

“… You won’t, not for a while anyway. One day, it’ll suddenly hit you that you _are_ happy. That, despite the hate in the world, you still survived it.”

Virgil stayed quiet for a bit before nodding slightly. Patton gave him one last squeeze before pushing him upright.

\---------------------

A few months passed before it was winter break. Virgil was packing up some things for home, then he noticed Logan was sitting at the loveseat reading one of his books.

“Hey,” Virgil caught Logan’s attention. “Whatcha doing for break?”

Logan put down his book, “I am going to be staying here.”

“Oh… uh, do you wanna come home with me?”

Logan seemed to short-circuit for a moment. “I’d rather not be a burden-”

“You’re not a burden, I _promise_.”

“I don’t really celebrate anything,” Logan was trying very hard to get out of this.

“You don’t have to join in, but it would be nice if you were there.”

“Is there any way to get out of this?”

“Unless you really don’t want to come, no.”

Logan rolled his eyes, “fine, I’ll come.”

Virgil broke into a grin and pulled Logan up and pushed him into his room, telling him to pack what he needed.

\---------------------

December 24th, Logan received a call around noon. It wasn’t a saved contact, but Logan answered anyway.

“Logan?” a voice on the other end of the call asked.

“Mom?” Logan sounded shocked. “Where are you?”

“I just stopped on my way to see you-”

Logan’s eyes widened, stepping away from the others, who were confused. “Are you in Florida?”

“Yeah, I thought I’d surprise you.”

“Mom, where are you exactly?”

“I just stopped in this one place called Gainesville.”

“Mom, tell me _exactly_ where you are.”

So, she did. She told him where she was. Then she asked why.

“Because I’m currently staying with a friend in Gainesville. Just stay where you are, I’ll come get you.”

With that, Logan hung up. He looked a bit frazzled as he turned to face the family he was staying with.

“That was your mom?” Virgil asked.

Logan sighed before nodding. “Virgil, do you mind driving me to **[redacted]**?”

“Sure?” Virgil was unsure but told Janus and Patton he would be back before grabbing his keys and heading out to his car.

When Logan sat down in the passenger seat he leaned back and let out a sigh. Virgil was concerned but didn’t want to push his friend. Half-way down the street, Logan decided to speak up.

“I should warn you,” Logan looked ahead at the road, “she might be a mess.”

Virgil glanced over at Logan, giving him a questioning look.

“Um, we were homeless most of my life… technically we still are.”

“That…” Virgil didn’t know how to respond.

“Stop. I don’t want your pity. Anyway, when I say she might be a mess, I mean it.”

“That’s fine, just let me know beforehand if she could be a danger to anyone. I don’t think Janus would appreciate us bringing her into our home if she were.”

“As far as I know, she’s not. She never has been.”

“Good.”

The two drove to the location Logan was told, parking near the door of a convenience store Logan saw his mother’s car a few spaces over. He told Virgil to stay in the car while he greeted his mother. So, Virgil watched as Logan approached the older woman who looked very similar to his friend.

After a few moments, Logan and his mother hugged tightly before leading her over to Virgil’s car. He opened the door and leaned down to talk to the anxious teen. “Do you want to meet my mother?”

Virgil didn’t reply verbally, but just jumped out of the car and approached the woman, “hi, I’m Virgil Sanders.”

“I’m Logan’s mom, Scarlet Crofters,” she told the boy, “but please call me Scarlet.”

“Uh, since you’re already here, would you like to stay with me and my brother?”

“I don’t want to a burden to you-”

“Mom,” Logan popped in, “just accept. He won’t stop till you agree.”

Scarlet chuckled lightly before agreeing. Virgil told her he would have to call Janus first and then he would lead her to his place. With that, Virgil leaned against the hood of his beetle and dialed up Janus.

“You want what?” Janus asked, shocked a bit.

“I want Logan’s mom to stay with us for break,” Virgil told his brother. “She seems great. Give her a chance.”

The line wasn’t dead silent, Virgil could hear Janus discussing with Patton. “Alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was meant to before yesterday as a gift due to Christmas... but I got distracted playing the sims for the first time in years.
> 
> Anyway! Happy holidays! Doesn't matter what you celebrate, but I do hope you are safe and enjoying yourselves.
> 
> Word Count: 3,454


End file.
